15 ideas to help you build a better personal network
Ideas you can apply right now
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I find most advice about “building your personal network” pretty useless. I think you do too.
So I wrote 15 pieces of tactical advice related to helping you build a better network that I think you’ll actually find helpful. Helpful as in it’ll help you achieve your goals faster. Hint: None of it involves going to happy hours and posting slop on LinkedIn.
Let me know what you think! (hi@nextplay.so)
1. Stop asking to “pick people’s brains”
People are busy. Effective people are often especially busy. You can respect their time by being intentional about your asks. And that starts upfront. When you send a cold email, be specific about what you are looking for and why you are reaching out. Abstract requests (like let’s meet so I can pick your brain, whatever that means) are challenging to respond to and not very interesting.
2. Make it easy for people to help you
On that note, if you want help with something, you should aim to make it as easy as possible for other people to help you. What a lot of people do not realize when they are reaching out to someone is that they are often creating work for the other person. For example, if you are asking for someone to make an introduction for you, you are asking them to type up a few emails and then get back to you. Or if you’re asking someone if they know someone at a particular company, you are asking them to look into their network. All of that stuff takes time. You’ll increase your success rate by reducing the friction for others who want to help you (but are just limited by their time!).
3. Send thank you emails
This is simple but you’d be surprised by how effective it can be. That’s because so few people actually send thank you emails. They do not need to be long. What helps is if you mention a very specific detail from the conversation. That shows you paid attention and actually appreciated what the person had to say. You will not always get a response but over a long enough time period I think you’ll start to see results from this.
4. Don’t talk bad about other people
Complaining is addicting. It’s problematic for many reasons (more on this later - a lot of people do not like to be surrounded by negativity) but especially bad when you start complaining about other people. This applies to more than just “professional networking” but beware of talking bad about other people. You never know who people know. And often times, if you’re gossiping, people will expect you to gossip about them and inherently trust you less.
5. Aim to actually be helpful
There’s a difference between going into a relationship hoping to get something out of it and simply aiming to be useful to others. Try opting for the latter. Being actually helpful to others can take many forms. It can be as simple as giving other people feedback on how you felt your experience with them was (in a kind way). Or making useful connections. Or writing an essay and shouting them out. You can get creative with this.
6. Practice active listening
To actually be useful to others, it’s important to know what they’re striving for, what direction they are going (so that you can assist them on their journey). Often people nod along in conversations without actually engaging in the subject matter. I suggest you try active listening. This involves paying close attention to what people say and clarifying as the conversation evolves. A lot of people let the conversation zoom by without actually understanding what people are saying. People can tell, and appreciate clarifications. It shows you actually want to understand them. It shows you actually care.
7. Beware of interrupting
To be a great listener, you really should let people talk. Especially strangers. Let them talk. It can be hard for some people to talk loudly. And that problem gets worse when they are being interrupted all the time. You’ve probably been in a conversation where someone is trying to talk and another person is interrupting them constantly. It’s no fun for anyone. It’s hard to not get in the way remotely but try your best.
8. Remember small details
If you’re actively listening, you’ll probably start to pick up on small details about people. I’ve found people really appreciate when you remember small details about them. For example where they grew up. Or what their interests are and why. The minor little things. Consider writing them down or associating them with people. They’ll really appreciate that, and it’ll give you new talking points and connections down the line which often comes in handy.
9. Ask unique questions
You’re not the only one who finds conventional small talk boring. You can get through the basics but try to bring some interesting questions to the table. Ask people what they think about particular topics. Ask people why they do what they do. Don’t accept the generic answers. Ask why a few times. Be uniquely specific. People will remember that.
10. Hold judgements
It’s tempting to bucket people into one of a few categories. While convenient and fast, try your best to hold judgement. Why? Because it’ll help you appreciate and perhaps even more importantly, actually understand people better. This’ll allow you to make stronger connections and also work more effectively with others. In a conversation, how quickly are you making a judgement? Try to hold it a bit longer than is typical for you. You’ll be shocked by how big of a difference this can make.
11. Keep people top of mind
After meeting people, keep their names on a list. As you go through your day, perhaps you’re reading or scrolling Substack. If you find something that makes you think of someone, be it an essay or an event or a person, send it to them! It takes just a few seconds but people will start to associate you as a connector, always looking for opportunities to share things.
12. Beware of overpromising and underdelivering
This is very common, especially around strangers. You meet people who say they are close friends with X person and can easily make an introduction. It turns out, however, that they are not very close. You can avoid this happening and hurting your reputation simply by not doing it. I would suggest being on the other side - add more disclaimers and if anything downplay your status.
13. Be consistent
Related to this, your personal brand will really evolve over time. If you can be consistent with what you do, you’ll be known for that. It could literally be anything. If you posted a picture of your dinner every night for 2 years, people will start to know you for this. Consistency is rare these days - you often find people hopping between trends.
14. Find optimism in other people’s work
It’s really easy to be cynical about other people’s work. Especially in early stage startups. Most things fail. Failure is the default. Pointing out that things will be hard is not very helpful. It’s easy to poke holes. You may think this looks smart but it really does not compared to finding ways that things can succeed.
15. Remember where you started
Do you remember yourself when you first started out in your career. Sometimes you meet a new person and really think lowly of them: “how do they have these views?” or “they seem so silly.” Chances are, you were like this at one point. And there’s also a high chance people gave you some space to make mistakes because they saw the best in you. Choose optimism where you can.